[, Music ] welcome to the scott harness podcast hey. I want to welcome you today today is going to be an exciting day, we’re going to talk about something that we all need to talk about. Um parenting we’re going to be discussing how we deal with these major parenting problems and so in the room i’m going to go around in just a moment and let everybody kind of introduce themselves before i do, though, let me remind you that one of the greatest Ways you can support what’s happening here is to like and share. You know, click that subscribe button hit. The bell do do whatever it takes to make sure you know, when we’re fixing to publish a new video every single week, tuesday at 11am.

We’Ll do this. Podcast live and uh, and then you know you share with your friends. There’S some great content in it. You can expect some some new um content coming out. We’Re gon na pull some clips from some of the past podcasts and things that we’ve shot.

That, i think, is gon na be really cool. You’Re gon na see you can see that here over the next little bit, but today we’re gon na do a parenting. So what i don’t wan na do is i don’t wan na burn our time up. I wan na just jump right into it because i don’t know about you, but parenting is probably the hardest thing. I’Ve ever done, so we’re going to discuss how it is that we work through that.

But before we do it, let’s go around the room. Let’S kind of introduce everybody, so you kind of know who’s here and what’s going on and so we’ll start with our production crew. Let them kind of share with you what they, what the who they are and all that’s with that all right, so uh, i’m brady! Gill, i’m the student pastor here and for right now i am running the screens and some stuff and making sure this all runs so um stephen, i’m uh running sound today, uh, my name is fernando uh. I am the campus pastor of our north rock campus and man.

What an honor it is to get to be here. I’Ve got a little one uh. She is the joy of our world. Her name is chandler, and so i’m excited to be here to talk about her today, how’s chandler man she’s one years old, going on 35

Yep yep – and i am montana i’m the kids director at our north little rock campus, but i also help out at our sherwood campus and i’m here to talk today about my son, who is 14. and so it’ll be real fun.

To talk about him. The life of a teenager go stacey i’ll, let you tell our story: come on uh, i’m stacy uh harness and i’m his uh wife and uh. We have together uh eight kids. We have three biological and five adopted and um yeah. So you know it’s a big family.

You got to pull your shoes off to start figuring out. How many kids do we have or whatever you know so what’s funny is people used to you know, give you that mess about you know. Do you know their birth dates and all that kind of stuff? They don’t do that to me anymore, because they understand no, the three biological. It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter now. Now we’ve been overwhelmed by volume, so it just it doesn’t matter so so anyway. One of the reasons why we kind of chose the the folks that we have in the room today is because everybody’s got at a different kind of life stage. You’Re going to find in this room and you’re going to find us discussing, we’ve got blended families. Um we’ve got adopted, children um we’ve got toddlers, i mean you’re, we’re going to.

I think, we’ll cover everything. So so, let’s start this off with some questions. Here’S here’s! The one question i want to ask and anybody chime in what have you personally found as the most difficult parenting issue that you faced anybody can go. I had a feeling fernando wanted to go.

First [ Laughter ], let’s start with the cute one, yeah start with the one-year-old. Oh, so we’re just we’re just gon na throw me in there all right, um. You know honestly i’d say for for me and for ashton. We found that with a toddler um one of the biggest problems, because i mean they’re not running into problems like texting and having boyfriends and girlfriends and doing drugs, and things like that. If they are oh, my gosh get them out of the nursery.

I don’t know. What’S going on, but i would say for us our biggest problem that we’re finding is is that our world is starting to revolve more around her yeah and we’re starting to forget about each other. That’S good and that’s the part that i would urge anybody, if you’re, if you see that identify it quickly and start working on each other, because just because you have kids doesn’t mean that your marriage stops and man we’re having to relearn that, and i think it’s A healthy thing, but it’s also a hard thing right now, man that is good. I just so, and you know i think we went through that. I think when there’s times when your kids are at a certain age that that they’re just so it’s so demanding um, it takes your focus and plus your energy’s out.

I mean you’re exhausted, oh yeah, you know, i think, there’s big gaps in time and people talk about. Well, i have a hard time remembering my kids at certain stages. Of course you do because of sleep deprivation. You nearly died hardest thing. You’Ve ever been through.

You kidding me yeah so, but when you get to our age and you get on the other side of you know most your kid, i mean our youngest one is 12. Today, that’s right, today’s his birthday um, and so when you get to our you know, uh age and you start getting the last one getting up there. You start to go. Oh that’s right! I’M going to be back with this husband again or this wife again is going to be just us at some point, and so you have to invest in that um.

Well, your marriage has to be strong, for you know. Well, there’s so many people that get to a certain age where, when their kids leave the nest, they don’t really know exactly how to be with each other because they focused on their kids. For so long, that’s right, and i think we see a lot of that today with the whole, my kids, my best friend kind of deal like i love my kid but my wife’s, my best friend yeah and she’s, going to come before you yeah. Like i love you and – and that leads right into my – i think my uh hardest thing about parenting. Just for me personally, and is that i think i want to be liked by my kids yeah um, and i want this thing to be like really amazing and all the time they walk around talking about their mom, how much they love their mom and how bad They are to have their mom and and how sacrificial she is [, Music, ].

I see everything that she does and i’m so grateful for my mom and you know i think that that’s a problem because you can’t you told me a long time ago. Scott, you said you can’t expect anything from your kids when you’re parenting them. You can’t expect anything back and it’s not healthy. If you do, you won’t be a healthy parent and i think for me, because i am the mom and i’m the compassion more compassionate. I guess side of uh i want them to.

I want them to do what i think is best, and then i also want them to like it and like me, while they do it and sometimes that doesn’t coincide in parenting, and that is hard for me, because i want that perfect environment all the time and Uh sometimes doing the right decision with our kids is hard and sometimes they’re, not gon na, like it and sometimes they’re, not gon na like me because of it so yeah, that’s okay! I’M like! Let me me wait! No whatever hate me now! Love me later.

I don’t think you know, i i think the opposite could be true, though i don’t think you just set out to make your kids dislike. I don’t know, but you know, i think that, especially as they get older boundaries are really important. Yeah, you know and you got to set those boundaries and that’s not going to be popular because you know, unfortunately, your kids have a reference point and it’s other kids and other parents and how the other kids are parented. You know so you’re like they’re, like hey, wait, a second little johnny gets to do so and so and so and so and then we do the old. We just pulled the old speech out if all the kids were jumping off the career.

Are you jumping a few of ours, said yeah [, Laughter ], so fernando you’ve got you’ve, got a toddler and you have a baby on the way. How does that change how’s that dynamic change uh? Actually we talked about this uh this last week. I kind of had to wrap my brain around it he’s going to be here in almost two and a half months, a little under that, and so just the thought of having i say: diapers chandler’s, stealing diapers. But i mean like she’s at the point now where we’re able to talk, and i can kind of know what she wants and kind of figure her out and have fun we’re going to go right back to the hole i’ve got to hold you carry you take You everywhere, and i’m just thinking like man.

This is part two, but it’s it’s gon na be exciting. Like i’ve, always that’s been my number one thing is: i wanted to be a dad and i wanted to love my family fully because i missed out on that experience. My dad wasn’t there. I didn’t get to have that, but i had mentors and other father figures and so like it’s, it’s terrifying, i’m not even gon na lie as a as a new dad and as a future dad of two it’s terrifying like because at any moment you feel in Your heart, i don’t want to fail these kids, but you still got to give it your all yeah um, and so i just always refer back to the thing that uh pastor mark told me one time you pray for your kids now and pray for them forever, Because you got to ask the question: who’s praying for him yeah. If it’s not you that’s right.

That’S right! I pray for them every day that they figure it out and ultimately come to know jesus and we have fun along the way and they don’t hate me too much for giving them accountability. I’M telling you listen chandler’s hard to give accountability she’s so stinking cute. Oh, my gosh, listen! We’Re in the i feel like we have children, but i feel we have grandchildren too.

Yes, so there’s a different mindset. You know i look at that stuff and i go i kind of want to just go along with the flow we’re trying to get into heaven. Now we’re not really trying to you know so um, but i see a little chandler coming along and i’m like you little booger come here. I’M telling you right now! Well, a lot of y’all would let her get away with murder.

Oh, i promise absolutely yeah and montana would say i would too, but i mean i’m not going to argue it too much. So so, let’s transition a little bit montana. What would you say is the hardest. What do you think the hardest thing that you have, because you got a teenager, so this the variables change cuteness gives way to something else? Yes, it does uh, it fades cuteness cuteness.

It becomes something a little bit different. You know they. My son is like he’s handsome now and he’s getting a little maturity but yeah the cuteness phase of oh, you hang the moon, it’s gone yeah, so i have a 14 year old and we adopted him a year ago this month and he’s only lived with us For about a year and a half, so i’m 26 so having a 14 year old is definitely different and i definitely got it wrong most. The time and probably still do but one of the biggest challenges that my husband and i have had with our son is the phone yeah yeah um. So i got a phone when i think i was 12.

I was probably in seventh grade and i got a phone and digging into research. Most parents do get their child a phone even nowadays by the age of 12.

Like 75 of parents have given their child their own phone by the age of 12., so my son moved in when he was 13
And so we got him a phone like oh yeah, every cuz, everybody had a phone, and so he really wanted one. So we gave him a phone and we did the whole speech of like hey.

You know you don’t give out information. This is what you don’t. Look up on the internet and i researched that 95 percent of parents have given that speech to their kids, but only 38 regularly go back to it. I mean they gave the speed one speech once when they were 12 years old. Never did it again, so that was we.

We didn’t go that far we’re part of the 38 that continue to talk about it, but we didn’t do any restrictions, parental controls. We said here’s a phone you’re, smart enough to do what’s right, right! Okay, here you go so that lasted about two months, and that was our ignorance that it lasted two months, so he eventually got his phone taken away, of course, from like grades or disrespectful. So i was like hey i’m gon na look into well. Of course, there’s all kinds of passcodes, so we made him give us those because he doesn’t pay for the phone, and i started looking um just like what he was doing when he, when he was by himself or he pretended the world couldn’t see.

And i was shocked yeah and it’s not anything against my kid. I was shocked because i was like i am an awful parent. I’Ve been doing this for two months and i’ve failed um, because even all these lessons that we’ve been teaching all these conversations, i’m like they didn’t matter um or they they did matter. But if i wasn’t putting into practice and looking at what he was looking at, then it was failing. So i did some research.

I had a feeling that other parents probably were like me, um that they didn’t know exactly what their kids were. Looking at. So i read that um 76 of parents get their kid a phone in case of emergencies um. So that’s why we got our kid: a phone, our other child, um who’s, not with us anymore um. She was in the hospital on and off when we first got both of them and so we’re like.

Oh, we need to get a phone cause in case. Somebody else is picking him up from school. He needs to know he’s 13

He’S gon na know when grandma pulls up. That’S grandma’s car he’s probably supposed to go with grandma. So, looking at hindsight now, i’m like okay.

There was never really any big emergencies that my 13 year old needed to know um. So but then i read that 95 of parents talk about again what their kids should be on the internet, but only 39 of parents will talk about it again throughout their lives. So then i read okay, so privacy, because i’ve got a lot of flack for how much i look at my kids stuff, like i’m concerned with what he’s watching on tv, what video games he’s playing. I look at his text messages, internet history etc, and i get a lot of flack for it, especially as a young parent. Like oh, you raised your kid.

They know what to do is right. You could just you have to let them make mistakes. I mean i don’t agree with that, because some mistakes have lifelong implications. Yeah, that’s the truth, so i read a survey that says: 61 of parents admitted now. I like that it said in minutes, because some parents won’t even admit to a survey they’ll look at their kids phone.

It’S the whole. I want to be best friends with them right, so 61 of parents admitted that they do check their kids websites 60 of parents check their kids, social medias and 48 check their text messages. So roughly about average, like 54 percent of parents, do check their kids stuff, but i thought it was funny that only 39 of parents actually use parental controls to filter and monitor things. So, yes, over half of parents are looking at their kids phones, but they don’t do anything to prevent what they’re looking at they just kind of ground them. Give them a warning.

Go back to the whole conversation of why we don’t do that, but then send them back out into the world, so we use parental controls for everything screen time: internet searches, uh uh – they don’t they’re not allowed to take he’s not allowed to take his phone in His room because who knows what they do throughout the night and if and it does seem a little overprotective so then i was like okay, i’m going to look at statistics from a kid’s point of view. So this is a survey where they ask kids questions 90 of children. Ages 8 to 16, have seen online pornography wow 90. So my faith that my child will just happen to be in that 10 percent is not enough for me, that’s good! So that’s why we block certain websites – and i will say just saying that oh we’re going to block porn is not all that there is there’s so many ways to get around it.

I mean i have my son’s kids. He goes to school with just text him. A website you don’t even know what it is, but you click on it and it’s some dating like app or something i’m like what is this so then 69 of teens regularly receive online communications from strangers and they don’t tell a parent i’ve had this happen. Plenty of times with social media and texts i’ll be like hey, because he they don’t save contacts anymore. So a lot of a lot of teens, don’t save contacts.

I don’t know the reason. My kid can’t give me the reason why he doesn’t save contacts. Oh, i just know who they are. I can’t do that yeah. No, so i’ll be like oh who’s, this person – i don’t know you know i game with them.

Sometimes, and i’m like you, don’t know who this person is, that you’re texting 24. 7

He’S like no, i game with him. I was like this person could be 80 years old son. I was like he could be a predator he’s like i don’t he’s like. No, no, i game with them.

So it’s totally fine! So and that’s not my son coming to me: hey mom, this random person texts me no. These are things that i found and then confronted him um. So the phone has always been a really big issue and we’re learning a lot with the phone, and you know we’re having the conversations of you know what you look at is not secret and it it isn’t helpful for you um that the way you want to Go in life, you know it depends on what you look at now. So you know we always have a conversation with my son like yes, it’s just music or it’s just a video game, but it hurts your soul and it hurts your relationships with people and it hurts the way you view people like women and dating and things like That and he doesn’t have the maturity because he’s 14

Yeah, that’s right, his brain’s not fully developed.

He doesn’t have the maturity to know that. Oh this could cause something bad later. So i have to be the person and my husband to step in and say yes we’re going to guard you for as long as we can and y’all. My son always asks me and he’s like. So when did when did the parental controls come off?

And i was like when you’re on your own and you pay for your own phone and he’s like even when i’m 18., i was like if you live in this house and i pay for the phone, the parental controls are still going to be preached, so i Would say: that’s our biggest issue and i’m sure stacy and scott, with your teenagers. You have phone issues as well. Yes, you know a lot of people would probably say that you’re being overprotective yeah honestly, i don’t think there’s enough young parents that are doing the things that you’re doing too. I agree really hold our kids.

Accountable got 100 listen! This is the next generation that we’ve had conversations. This next generation has gone through so much they’re going to be hard to deal with in the future. Well – and i think what’s happening – is that because this access to to so much content is available to them, it’s shaping a culture shaping the way they what they believe about each other shaping um. You know the way these kids perceive each other.

It’S shaping the way boys see. Girls and girls, see boys and um. You know, i think one of the the issues that we we have to confront is that you wouldn’t give unlimited access to your kids from you know by a pervert. You know you wouldn’t give unlimited access to your kids by someone who was criminally insane. You wouldn’t give unlimited access to someone, your kids, who, who, who is a criminal or who has this weird perspective on life, but that’s exactly what we do when we give them.

Unlimited access to the internet, the internet is filled with no doubt there’s it’s wheat and tears. You know the parable in the bible where there’s this these this good crop in fruit and that’s happening. You know i feel like this is one of them. It’S a good thing, but it’s also filled with with bad things, and you know the bible speaks very often about the secrets and the secret places and, and one of the things that the bible tells us is that you know anything done in the secret will come To the light, well, why is it done in secret? Well, it’s done in secret because that’s the easier place for our flesh just to go after it and giving our kids the access to these incredibly adult um things doesn’t help them and and not only not only it’s not like you’re you’re, saying, hey, you’re being overprotective, Because you won’t let him ride his bicycle without knee pads, you know you can fall and hurt your knee and and not suffer the rest of your life, but but we’ve already studies already show that our our brain has the capacity to cling to and hang on To an unlimited amount of images for an unlimited amount of time, and so these things are things that that imprint, your kid and it changes the trajectory of their life, and so i our beings, you know healthy with that, plus it’s not just about pornography, and i Think what you said montana is so true, it’s also about there’s philosophies and ideologies, and – and now i mean my gosh – how many weird crazy radical opinions are being presented as if they’re you know, they’re they’re, true and our kids are exposed to it.

So, and i think it was really good what you said about you know being in the being secret, you know, and – and we have really worked with our kids on, because when you have a phone like that, when you have no boundaries, when you have whatever you’re. It’S going to almost create a secret world for you, because you’re going to go in and you’re going to have things that you have that you’re going to look at or they’re going to pay attention to that are that they know we don’t want and they’re going To put that do that in secret, and then it creates this whole secret kind of double life that and then there’s guilt, and there i mean there’s all kinds of things and shame um that comes with that yeah. If we can help our kids to realize that how you are um all you should be the same all the time you know, and there should be no secrets. There should be no secret life, because i think that sets them up to have. You know be an adult and have secrets and and live one way.

You know one time and live another way around. Other people yeah and you know when and like you know, with our faith, you know we know that we should be the same. That’S right and it’s hard to do that. You’Ve got to fight to do that. You do um and i think we’re teaching.

We have to teach our kids that you got to. You got to put up that fight. Well, one of the things you don’t realize is that we only we only have a a limited amount of emotional energy to interact with people in a real sense, and so what’s happening to to us, not just our kids, but us as well. Social media is what we’re doing is we’re using all of our our resource of of emotional energy on something, and then we don’t have it excuse me. We don’t have it for real people yeah.

So what happens is is that we’ve seen it with our kids um? We’Ve, you know we have the tupperware bowl of shame where they have to turn their phone in and we keep it. You know and that’s where it stays. You know so um and we do that all the time. It’S not i mean we have phones right now.

So um and and the moment we take that phone away all of a sudden there’s this they’ll talk. Now they they’re not they’re, not you know um, just when you walk through and you go hey. How are you doing i’m fine? What is that what’d? You say you know, and you and they’ll be upset about something you’ll notice.

What are you? What are you upset about? Well, uh, one of my battle. You know islands got destroyed exactly but upset about it or they just text a friend and that they didn’t get the response back, that they thought they needed. And so what happens is is that in this world that it’s part of it’s not even real and then then part of it is, is propped up fakeness and then part of it is you know you don’t even understand, what’s happening on the other side, you don’t Have body language and real stuff, their emotional energy is being used up, and so you know i we began to have conversations when our kids don’t have their phone.

They start talking again yeah. That’S amazing yeah. It’S like they learn. They have a voice and present again yeah i’ll go through the kitchen like in the morning go hey good morning. How are y’all doing everybody’s engaged the phone thing for a little bit, they’re like it’s like hey.

How are you doing it’s like crickets, hey, i’m like what the heck is happening, suck their brain out, suck their brain out, that’s right, yeah, which is funny. So when i was doing my research, i found that 70 of parents. Think cell phones have a positive effect on their child’s development and all i could think when i read that was they’ve never taken their kid’s phone away for less than a day. That’S right if they believe that that has a positive effect. I think at that point you have to ask like how often are they on their phones?

Well, the phone became the babysitter. You know what i can do. I can give you this phone and i can send you away and i’m gon na i’m gon na believe that you’re gon na, in fact, to be honest with you, a lot of parents that we deal with and discuss they’re not as concerned about these things. They’Re, just not, i want to know you know, and it frustrates the heck out of me when i’m talking to somebody and i go. Why have i got a greater?

You know aspiration for your kids, moral understanding and path for life than you do as the freaking parent. You know you should have enough gumption and desire for your kids to live a life that they need to live and be just a good human being um and to to be willing to put some things in place and that that phone man that thing’s a you See these little kids walking around you know they’re six years old, who’s, a four-year-old call! Well, you know and i’ll tell you too, from a toddler perspective. We we did it for a little bit there and then we got convicted of it because at any point, if she didn’t have that screen time or that phone in her hand to play whatever song music video she’d freak out – and we were like no – we’ve got To change this, like hey, we’re not going to be those parents, because we were seeing that it was easy to just say: hey here: you go yeah yep, just hey yeah, you’re yelling. We got it, it’s good yeah and it’s so easy yeah and we could.

We saw it too. She started smoking cigarettes and she was running around the hood. I was like something sometimes [, Music, ], [, Laughter ], but you know it’s it’s the instant gratification world that we live in. You know and kids get accustomed to that. That’S true like every time i feel i don’t feel good or every time then i scream and i and you know toddlers do it, but then and but then teenagers do it yeah.

You know they they scream and they fuss in different ways. You know, and sometimes we’ll just go as parents just make them be quiet and get to them. So they’ll be quiet, but i mean – and we all have our faults and that we’ve all done it. But i think that if you do that consistently um, it creates an issue. You know with instant gratification, which i want what i want and you better give it to me yeah or i’m gon na throw a fit yeah.

Absolutely i think another thing we ought to talk about that i think, is important and you guys will experience it. Um is no, two, kids are alike yeah. You know that’s one of the hardest things for me is that i tend to like to figure out what is the ingredients? You know if i’m gon na bake a cake. I know what goes in the bowl, you know and then once i learn that, then i just put the same stuff together.

Kids aren’t like that at all, and so what happens is and it doesn’t matter if they’re biological adopted it doesn’t matter where they it doesn’t matter. The kids are different. You know, none of our kids have been the same, none and they couldn’t be parented. The same right, and so one of the things that the bible says is raise up a child in the way that they should go and when they’re old and not depart from it. That, first part of that verse is critically important, because what it says is that every child has a way that they should go, and so you know helping bring out the natural.

You know. Ingredients, god put in your child’s life, is really important, but it’s very challenging because that strong-willed child, what you don’t realize is is that god may have given that kid strong will and that sort of you know, ask questions and kind of buck the system a little Bit because god wants that that child to grow to be a young woman or a young young man to make a big difference in the world, and you know when you make a big difference, you face a lot of adversity. You face a lot of you know, collisions with with you know, things that are and and for them to be able to do that they need that tenacity. So so how do you you know you? You still have to implant obedience into a kid.

That’S strong-willed, but at the same time you don’t want to break their will, because you you don’t want them to get to a place where they real. They think that that standing for something is wrong. You just have to help them understand. You know you have to put a stand. Yeah, you got to put a steering wheel on it, you know, and you don’t just you know, need to be.

You know strong-willed for for no reason and um, but i think everyone is different. You know every one of our kids, even even punishment and correction is different. Yeah, you know um whether you are a grounder, uh, harsh words or a spanker or whatever. You know – and i know you’re not allowed to say spank or anything anymore, but that’s the reason why our world screwed up, we have some very very soft parents and soft kids listening, but you know i think about it. I think about even with like people ask me all the time you know where do your kid: where have your kids going to school or is homeschooling right or is public school writers, private school and we’ve done the public school right and the private school route um And i think it really like what you’re saying it depends on the child and it depends on what is that?

How that child, their the personality is how god created them. Um, and if you have the option to do different things. It’S best to be able to look at your child and say: what does this child need? Do they need a small environment, a big environment? Do they need lots of attention from a teacher?

Do they need, and so it’s the same thing with punishment? You know we have to our reward or, however, you get your kids to do what they need to do. Is you know something that works for? One of our kids may not work for the other one, and you know for some of our kids. We’Ve just been able to raise our eyebrow and be like hey, you don’t need to do that and they well.

I think i don’t know if any of them did that they stopped when we did that, but you know other ones: we’ve had to have an eyebrow, cramp and they’re still not moving forward other ones. We could explain, you know kind of why they needed to do this, and that would help you know. Other ones didn’t care. It was like hey, you got ta, go to your room, i’m getting the belt spare the rod, spoiler uh, but i mean it just it really has depended on which kid it was and we, as parents have to discern what that kid needs, and you know sometimes We’Re taking away things and we go and they don’t even care, but you know if you parent from this perspective, what is what is god doing as a parent? I think you’re a navigator as much as anything with your kids.

So you need to ask this question: what is god doing in this child’s life? And what does he want to do with this child? Because i believe that god gives you if you’ll listen and you’ll speak to him and you’ll pray about it? I think god will give you perspective about your kids that he gives to nobody else there. That’S the reason why i’m montana you were talking about parenting and how sometimes people will be critical of your parenting.

You’Re overprinting, here’s, the here’s, the reality, you you can’t parent! Your kid, based on what everybody else thinks you parent your kid based on what god is telling you that’s good, because god’s gon na tell you things about your kid he’s not going to tell anybody else. So you you are that he gave them to you and so you, what does god want to do with this child’s life? It’S it’s important not to to parent the child based on the common idea of all people, but it’s also important not to to parent your child, based on your own fears that there is a way that you can over protect them. There are some things they will have to go through.

There are some some hardships they do need to take. There are some mistakes they do need to make, while they’re in the laboratory of your home there’s some stuff they need to go through and you need to. Let them you if every time there there’s something happening at school, which you know montana’s a teacher and she can testify to this – you know we’re we almost automatically when we get the phone call from the school. We almost automatically go the teacher’s right, you’re wrong and that’s that’s where our default setting you know. I know the opposite, could be true for a lot of parents where it’s like my kids, always well.

Here’S the you’re not doing your kids any favor when the voices of authority are working. If every classroom they go into they’re having a problem, it’s probably not classrooms yeah. You know it’s probably not teachers, so you’re not doing your kids any favor. By not confronting that issue. You know, and and you know you got to – let them you you’ve got to you’ve got to go in there and go hey.

You got to cut that junk out, because in life, life is less forgiving when they’re outside of your home and their decisions can be much more critical. So it’s important to parent the way god wants them to to go well. I know that some studies that i’ve read before said that by the time a child is eight years old. They have kind of their world view set by what they’ve gone through before by the age of eight, and then by the time that they’re 12 they have in their mindset, uh what they believe about uh religion, god, you know any kind of higher power authority um. They kind of have that set.

So if you think about that and you think about what a critical stage that we as parents are at um when we are thinking, oh well, that’s just a toddler. She can’t really no but she’s learning you know. Chandler is learning right now at 18, at one-year-old, she’s learning um. You know what safety looks like she’s learning. You know who cares for me, she’s learning that my needs will be met.

You know whatever and then at the next stage, she’s learning something else, and until they get to be adults, you know and if they miss out on those stages, um at some point, it’s hard it’s hard to recoup that you know when you miss out, it’s not Impossible um, but it’s hard, you know it’s harder, and so i just think that it’s a it’s important. What we do is important and i i did the uh. I looked up the definition of parenting. You want to hear it sure the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from empathy to adulthood. There’S a lot of big words.

There i’m gon na sum it up: [, Music, ], [, Laughter ], but you know what that’s overwhelming. If you look at that, just definition, you might look at that and go oh, my gosh. How will i ever meet all of their physical, emotional, spiritual? You know developmental social intellectual needs, and so it’s overwhelming to a lot of us and we that’s why we have to have each other to be able to go hey. We can do this together, you know and that i’m glad that you said that, because i think about my mom, my mom was a single parent to two kids, and i mean everybody else was in our presence.

Everybody else was our guardian. Everybody else was aunt, uncles, yeah and everything, and so i think about that and, like you saying, like it’s so important to have someone there to help you as well yeah and so like for any of the single parents that are out there, man, i’m a firm Like i’m proof in the pudding that it takes a village um and really takes those those deep-rooted essential, uh methods of what god’s word teaches that’s right, yeah, to really say that god’s process is always working and it never comes back void. That’S right, even in the times when you think that it’s going to come back when you’re pretty sure it’s going to come, there are times with the kids that i think there’s no way this is going to work out. You know your kids can screw it all up. I’Ve messed it up before, but at the end of the day you know that god’s going to reign supreme through absolutely right.

That’S right! So let’s go into some real scenarios. We’Ve we’re! These are great terms and ideas. I want to i want to hear some stories where you screwed up parenting.

Oh gosh, give me lead off sure. So kendall was little, my oldest was little, and so i’m going to teach him how jesus sacrificed for us. Yes, you hear the laughter and so what i decided was he needed a spanking. He deserved, it, y’all deserved it all right and i said, but you know what bud i’m going to teach you about christ’s sacrifice for you. I’D read this article.

I think it was focused on the family published it, which you know not every article is accurate. Just couldn’t tell you that so um i went to his room and i took brought station there with me and i got a belt and i said i said, but i said you’ve done what’s wrong now i don’t know how old is he uh, probably six? Six years old, so you know we’re gon na get. This grace sacrifice substitute kind of thing down. I said, but i’m not gon na spank.

You said i’m gon na take your spanking for you. It sounds dumb right now, but it sounded good. Then i mean it. Didn’T sound good to you because you were still laughing, but i thought i was going to get a home run: y’all and kendall’s like okay and uh, so anyway, stacy’s enjoying it too she’s like hey yeah. My turn bam so and then kendall looks back at me and he’s laughing yeah about the third swat and i’m on fire kendall’s.

Like he’s like you know, he thinks this is entertainment. I was like okay, it didn’t work go out. I said he was like that. Didn’T work that didn’t work, i walked out of the bedroom and said: hey. Don’T ever don’t ever do that yeah that doesn’t work yeah.

So you can’t teach him the grace of sacrifice. But you know somebody told me they had this this deal and this child was like. Oh mommy. It was the mother you’re. I i don’t want that to happen, i’m so sorry, that’s what jesus did for you.

Yeah see my kids. My kids were on the verge of going to hell just right off the bat because they did not get it. They are not getting it at all. Hope was asking for that time. Exactly hope was like.

Can dad take my whipping today, you know, and can i get 50 bucks and the keys to the car yeah? No doubt, okay, somebody else! That’S my one story. So somebody else failure and parenting funny stupid, silly um. So my he was 13 at the time.

So my son was doing an art project in um. It’S one of those things that you think you have a 13 year old. So you think all the common sense is there it’s not and again, but that was my fault believing that it was there. I’Ve learned um, so he was doing an art project where i had to cut phone with like an x-acto knife, and so my husband and i just got these so he’s, probably with us for about three months now. We just got these new tables about a year.

Earlier still, hadn’t paid him off um, and so he he’s done with this project and it’s outside and i’m like. Oh, let me look at it so then i look at it and i go back to our table. There’S wheels scratched into my table in a box because he was making a car, and i was like oh my gosh, so i was kind of mad but again only been with us for a few months and i was like he’s. I don’t want him to cry. I don’t want him to feel this bad and so, but anybody needs to know we can’t, you know, use an exacto knife on my tables anymore, and so i bring him in there and i’m like look what you did like thinking like.

Oh he’s gon na break down he’s like oh yeah. I did my project on that table and walked away and i was like [ Music ] and i was like no. No that that wasn’t the point i know i know you did your part in the car. Do you not feel bad? Well, i told you i did my project like i mean i guess i should have put something underneath it and then he still tries to walk away and i’m like okay.

So i don’t even remember what i did, but i was like going to show him what it’s like when you tear up something and have no empathy for it. So i think i went and got one of his new shoes and like scratched something in it and then he was like you bought him. It walked away and then i don’t know it’s kind of fuzzy from there. What exactly you blacked out, you saw red. I realized that trying to teach empathy to a child with something that you bought doesn’t really work.

So i’m gon na wait until you save your quarters and buy something one day and then i’m gon na mess it up like. I still have that he still has no money in that moment. You’Re still holding under that same thing, though, can you spank a 13 year old? I’M not sure we didn’t, but it would have felt nice. Probably in the moment, oh man, you should have just had zach, come in there and so and you just spanked zach instead of hassan.

Oh that didn’t work. He would be damaged, don’t try that it doesn’t work. Oh man, where do you go wrong with a toddler? Lots of places you know back to what stacy said they they’re picking up everything. At this stage i mean the other day.

She was watching ashton. Do something and she’s got her little thinking face on she just standing there with her mouth, open catching flies, but i thought it was a great idea when she was really small to do this thing where, like i would yell in her face and yell with her And every time she cried well now she does it all the time she’s a squealer. She is a squealer, but she has developed the finger point method and she’ll tell you no! No! No, while she yells at you and thinks it’s funny and it’s a habit that we can’t break – and i did that so when she’s getting in trouble with ashton, and i see her, throw that stubby little finger up and go no.

No, no! I just leave the room because i can’t hold you together. Seeing a one-year-old tell a grown woman. No, no! No!

I mean and you’re the one to blame. You don’t want to be involved, oh my gosh when they turn 15 and do it. That’S when the whole. It’S not near as cute. I promise you, but then you know when they’re 15 they only need nine fingers.

They really need all 10

Messes their mouth up, though, that’s the only thing they still got. Toes that’s hilarious, uh, you know for me, mine’s, probably i think mine is because of wanting to be compassionate with the kids. Sometimes i would let them pull me to the side and tell me something in the beginning of you know their growing up, especially their teenage years. I’D. Let them come in and tell me something and not tell scott, because they wanted to run it.

They wanted to run it by me as a filter to see what i would say before they let scott get to it um, and but what that created was uh us to the secrets thing again and so scott would hear hope. Let’S always hope he would hear hope in the kitchen and he’d hear us whispering and he’d be like on the couch or something be like okay, what are y’all trying to get you know past here. What are you trying to do? The answer is no, so i would so. I think that that was one of my greatest failures in the beginning, at least i noticed it and now i’m like as soon as they come to me about something i’m like okay, let’s talk to your dad about it right now.

You know let’s go ahead and include him on the conversation right now, because what that did is that created some hard? You know feelings between him and the kids and and then they weren’t getting the full information and they were, and so it’s just a it’s a secret world again that you don’t want, and so i think that was one of my um. That was where our parent failed. You know all of them at probably in their first of their teenage years, yeah um, and so i i don’t. I don’t do that anymore, but i would say: don’t don’t do secrets, you know, let’s do some rapid fire stuff.

Let’S go through some stuff, pretty quick, i think there’s a few things that we ought to cover, because when i think of the biggest parenting problems that you face, i know some people are going man. I’Ve got this i face or whatever, but in a in a general sense, i think one of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents is we parent on extremes so, in other words, um we’ll over correct something that needs to be corrected. We over celebrate things that need to be celebrated, and so what happens is we’re we’re making a ton of emotional decisions about things that we need to keep less emotional, and so what you do is you you build a kid. That’S extremely high extremely low, because that’s what we parented, and so i think one of the problems with us is that we need to. We need to try to be consistent and there’s those times when you want to lose your mind, don’t lose it.

Don’T lose your mind, um go ahead and parent that child and keep some level of consistency, so, in other words, take the the peak in the valley. You know um you’ve made the mistake now we’re gon na you know, you know, cut your legs off or whatever or you’ve done something good. Here’S the biggest trophy ever or you know. Whatever those extremes, i think, keep us from being viable and really directing them, and so if we can keep the emotional state out of it um, sometimes you may need to go as a as a mom and dad just be by yourself and just talk about it Or if you’re, just a single mom, maybe you’ve got a confidant, something you can talk to and just get along and talk about it before you confront the kid on it. I found that sometimes it’s just better to have a conversation without them before you have the conversation with them.

That way. You’Re, not you know, because sometimes when i talk it out, if i’m talking to them directly, things will come out my mouth and things will come to my mind, especially if i’m frustrated that when it comes out my mouth, i’m like probably that probably wouldn’t you know They always said count to ten. You know i need that. You got ta, kill me thirty yeah. I mean thousands yeah count to twenty four hours.

So but i think, if you take the extra you you know, we may not realize it, but kind of like even with fernando, was talking about how that you’re. Creating these these you’re cultivating habits and and putting in patterns in your kids lives you’re, making an investment. That’S going to bring a return if, if you’re less emotional – and you know if something’s wrong and you have set a standard for it and it’s a rule just enforce the rule, sometimes is the best way to do it. If we say hey, look you do this, you lose your phone, then just lose the phone, don’t make it dramatic, don’t make it drag out. If, if their, if their punishment, is they don’t get to go to the ball game or whatever, then let that be the punishment and everything else is, is still open.

You know this. Is the punishment quarantine it? I think sometimes we parent our kids, because it’s not only do we want them to learn the lesson and i think we parent them emotionally, for this is that we not only want them to learn the lesson we want to like it. We wanted to like what we said to them want them to to appreciate it. Oh, i appreciate that’s so good you’re trying to make my character better they’re, just not going to say that it’s just never going to happen and most of the time they’re going to think you’re wrong.

So you just parent, enforce the rule. You know – and i i do appreciate some of these shows you’ll watch. These shows where they sit down. They’Ll just talk to these kids for hours and hours and hours. I think sometimes that exacerbates it too.

I think there’s times when you sit down with a kid when they’ve made a mistake, can you talk about it so much the mistake becomes so big. It almost scars them because they think. Oh, my gosh, this is i’m a horrible human being. I’M never going to be able to get no it they just screwed up. They did something stupid, they sent a text to it, yeah yeah and it’s and that they leave damage just correct.

It pull throttle back some of that emotion. You know and just correct it when you celebrate their successes if they clean their room up, i’m just gon na be frank with you. They should not get a trophy yeah. It’S your room. You should clean it up.

That’S how it is you know. Did you see my room? Oh, your room looks clean good job. It should not be hey. Let’S stop we’re all going to go.

Eat steak now, because little josie cleaned her room, no you’re programming them to believe that they need to be rewarded and they’re entitled to a reward for doing what they should have done. You should have cleaned your room, but at the same time you shouldn’t go in there and say well it’s about time. You know i mean you know um [, Music ], but the other thing is too is that i think it’s the principle of long haul versus short haul. I think one of the things we want when we have behavioral problems or anything else with our kids. We want we’re thinking short term, god puts you in your kids lives for your kid’s life and so be willing to make investments and not necessarily see the gain right away.

It’S kind of like investing money. You know um you’re, you’re, probably not going to be. I mean there’s a handful of people that throw their money into something and they become an overnight. You know millionaire most people invest their money. It’S a long period of time before it draws a return same thing’s, true, with kids, keep investing, keep investing.

You know, even with your adult kids, i mean some of us um, you know have adult kids that maybe they’ve gone wayward or whatever keep investing. You know even montana, you guys and and us are the same. We entered our kids lives. They. They were a ways down the pike.

In fact, our youngest was eight when he came into our life um, and so you know there’s things that were in place that we didn’t put in place, but we’re going to work through them keep investing just just let that let that seed, planting and and pray God’S harvest over that and you just you, just keep investing, but maybe pull some of the emotion out of it throttle back a little bit of that stay. Consistent and you’ll be amazed at what happens in the long term. You can’t expect a 15 year old boy. That’S got enough hormones to jump start a diesel truck, probably to respond to you the way that he needs to he’s going to be weird. You know, and single parents you’re at a disadvantage, it’s hard, it’s hard being a single parent, um and but here’s what i’ll say, keep investing.

That’S right. You know, keep investing, keep praying one things that god does, that i love about is that he compensates for. What’S missing so when we think we’re walking with a limp, you have to understand, god takes people who walks with a limp and he can make them run in the olympics. You know what i mean so don’t feel like, because you are at a deficit because you know maybe maybe this is harder that it can. It could never turn out.

Well, i mean fernando’s a prime example of a single mom and you look at his life and you see where he is today and not to make his head so big. You won’t be able to get out of the room, but i’ll tell you this about fernando. I i enjoy watching him as a dad and a husband and a pastor, and – and this is a dude that when i first met him, you know he’s not knee-high to a grasshopper can do backflips and got more energy than anybody you’ve ever seen. And you know what i would dare say along the way some of your teachers, probably like. Oh, that dude ain’t listening shoot every one of them.

If any of you are watching, i’m sorry, listen. I know what i was like. I lived. Those experience i mean my mom was, i mean she had that confidant she would come to different people. She came to you guys and i mean life-changing experiences where i wasn’t.

I didn’t need to be in on those as the kid i just needed to be able to understand that the discipline that was there yeah is going to change my life for the better or at least, keep me alive, and i think that the bible is clear. I mean don’t: provoke your children as fathers just give them discipline and lead them and teach them. We have such a huge opportunity to do that with chandler and carter. On the way i mean they got a lot of years of soaking it all in that’s right. That’S right, i just got to buckle in and make sure that i’m giving the right things to take hold of and and just continue to keep the one thing.

One thing: that’s good, so rapid fire over protecting what do y’all! Think about that! You know we got a culture of protection, we’re protecting our kids bubble, wrap them god, but it’s often oh, my gosh, i’m gon na ashton. Sorry she’s she’s, the one she’s, the overprotective parent and she’s, loosened up over the last little bit. But i’m telling you right now: you can’t let your kids live.

That way you got to. Let them fall. You got to let them learn mistakes and learn things. I’M a firm believer. You lose a tooth having a good time.

What’D, you learn, put your hands down. If you fall, i learned it’s fun. You are lying through your teeth: you’re the most overprotective, i’m overprotective. When she gets sick, that’s different! I will most definitely let her climb snug will suck the snot out of chandler’s throat and nose.

That is not even accurate. Okay. Okay, i’ll use a booger sucker, you will lay by her bed for 24 hours and your wife. The nurse will be sleeping amazingly in the next room. She’S also carried another child.

This was before carter was there, which she reminds me is my fault, but i tell her it takes two, so you don’t remember that part exactly, but i am most definitely when it comes to her wellness and things like that. I am overprotective, but i’m one for her learning experiences and having a good time yeah at that point. Let’S go at it 100 percent, but you can guarantee i’m gon na, be right by our bedside sleeping bag and all right so montana and your family who’s. The protector me i’m definitely a lot protective of my son, and i think it is from the fact that i didn’t get him until he was 13

I wasn’t able to say yeah, we don’t, even though again, i believe common sense is there. Is it always used?

No, you know the whole way. You teach your kid when they’re five, you don’t run in traffic. I believe my son knows that, but if you know he’s chasing his friends, is he gon na remember that i don’t know um, so i’m very protective like when he’s riding his bike or he’s riding his skateboard outside i’m like looking out the window and i feel Ridiculous because he’s 14. and he can ride a skateboard down the street and back, but i don’t know, i think it’s just because he we got him so late and i don’t know what still learning what values were put in place a long time ago. So i’m definitely the overprotective one.

I think we’ve experienced that too, but i mean i feel like i’m the protector um anyway. I know i’ve definitely been the overprotector. I’Ve been protective and i’ve been the overprotective person in the family and the things that most the kids have gotten to do is because you forced me to, and you said, come on stay so you got ta, let them experience, you know something and you got ta. Let them fail, and i just i think, this generation of our of parenting, i think said we don’t want the next generation to fail about anything. You know we want to protect, we want to keep we want, we don’t want them to go through the things we went through as teenagers or kids, and so we’re going to do everything we can to protect them from that.

Now that’s great in some respects and then, on the other hand, that creates other problems, which is you get kids that are huge anxiety, full of fear that they can’t do the things that they need to be able to do you get kids that are um scared To engage in things you get, so i think that there has to be a balance. I mean, obviously you know can’t swing too far. The other way or they’d be in the emergency room every week, um, but you know, i think, that you definitely have to be encouraged. If you’re the protector, you have to be encouraged that it’s okay, you got to let your kids get out there. They’Ve got to experience something i remember when one of the kids, i can’t remember which one was at their school and they kept forgetting their lunch, and i kept taking the lunch up there every time they would forget and taking lunch up there every time they forget And scott finally said: listen, let them go without a lunch.

They’Re not going to die. Dude, that’s excellent, and so the next thing they won’t forget next time that they called, i said, leave some mark, i’m sorry honey, my daddy! Won’T! Let your daddy won’t. Let my dad your daddy won’t.

Let me bring you lunch. No, i didn’t say that i actually owned it and said: i’m sorry we’re not bringing you lunch today, because you have to remember to bring your own lunch and you know what they didn’t die. They’Re still here and then lose weight. You remembered next time and next time they remembered yeah yeah. No, they still can’t do that same thing, but with an inhaler i’ll teach you a lesson: we’ve got marking up of shoes breaking off fingers and you know what hey and she’s the protector hey.

You made mistakes. You’Ve been a parent just as long as i have [ Laughter, ] yeah, the overprotection part. I do think that’s an issue. I think one of the things that we don’t understand is that not letting our kids make mistakes. You know, while they’re in our home um, where the consequences aren’t so great is a big deal.

They need a database of understanding um, you know, and so i think sometimes we you know we cut that off. The other thing is there’s a certain amount of toughness. They need to build up, you know, that’s why you have the safe space stuff and all these kids, that you know you they a couple kids say two things to them and they’re just completely crushed. You know we can be tougher than that. You know we can and our kids need to be tougher, they’re going to be in a tough world.

This is a very chew somebody up kind of world and and um you know so you know i did read a study that said that one of the reasons why we find ourselves more more protective than generations past is that we’re older, as parents we’re having kids Later, and so what’s happening is, is that a parent that that has a kid? That’S you know at that point the formative years when they’re in their 30s is different than a parent. Who has a kid that’s in his formative years, when their parents in their 20s, you know 20 year old, is their oversight? Is is woefully missing and maybe for the benefit of the kid you know they’re like yeah. They don’t know a 30 year old way.

A 40 year old, my gosh, you know they’re going to be protected and scheduled out. Okay, we’re you’ve got your tooth cleaning on thirsty we’re going to get your your new shoes corrective shoes with a in the new insole. So your little heels don’t hurt we’re going to get that on friday. There is nothing wrong with some of these pants yeah. I mean we got the cleanest tooth soft little people walking around i’ve ever seen.

It’S like come on. I mean our kids, the our biological kids, they never, they didn’t know the dentist. What was the dentist? You know unless they had something rotten out, you know and the older you get the more you yeah, protective and scheduled. My son is still surprised when he asked me in the morning.

What’S for dinner and i don’t know, and then he asked me at 5 pm then i was for dinner and i still don’t know he still acts surprised and i’m like we don’t schedule dinners. I’M sorry like i never whatever is easy to cook is probably what it’s going to be: get your hot pocket and go to the microwave. What are you trying to mess with over here? Is there any ramen left them yeah, you get you out of ramen noodles. Already well get on in there boy, so um how about how about we got just a little bit of time how about over, providing we have more resources than we used to have so we give them stuff think about it over providing because, because we’re we’re their Entertainment and we provide their entertainment, they have to be entertained all the time.

Think about think about a car ride where kids had to actually sit and look out the window. Can you imagine my kid just talks? Does he does he really yeah see? Y’All are quiet and he’s loud? Yes, yes, something seems hard to believe yeah, but no, i think that’s absolutely true.

I think when you think about it, when we were younger – and i don’t want to go into the whole – oh yeah, when we were old, you know young thing, but when we were younger um, you know we would go outside yeah and the beginning of the day And then we had to figure out things to do all day. You know and then we couldn’t come in until dinner. You know, don’t come back and you weren’t allowed to come here, my mom when she was all four. She would tell us to go outside and play yeah we’d hear the door lock behind. Oh yeah.

I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear you until the street lights come on. You can’t come back, that’s exactly right, but you know what that’s exactly right, but you know what that’s we didn’t have street lights. When are we supposed to come back? She said exactly, but you know that created kids that had to create and they had to find things to do and brainstorm, and i mean some of it was probably not what you should be doing, but i’m just saying now we provide some of it.

Now we provide everything for them and i do think there’s this absolute. You know uh, i mean guilt. That comes that you go that, i’m that i’m wondering why. If my kids come to me – and they say i’m bored, which is you know all the time i feel like i should have to, but you know at the same time we don’t give them you you, your boundaries are so tight. I’M bored yeah well you’re only allowed to stay in this box.

You know, i remember as a kid my dad at one point um, my dad was really really really tight with money. You know and um, and so i mean he was like you know – i’m not giving you anything or anything. Well, the other kids neighborhood. There was a little vending machine down the road a little place and you could go, buy cokes there. Well, all my buddies would get a coke.

Well, i didn’t get changed. My dad wouldn’t give you change. So my brother and i put together the scheme we’re like it’s like december. We’Re gon na go, get a coke and uh. We had no money and we, i think what came up with it, because he was my brother was a smarter one.

I was the dumb one, i just did the did it, you know, and so we decided to go door-to-door collecting money for the march of dimes, and so so we got a top like a tumblr cup and we went door-to-door and dude we were making bank. I bet you weren’t yeah and it wasn’t until one guy goes hey. You know this supposed to be in march. You know, and i i mean which i mean is it i don’t know anyway, that’s what he said and he stumped us and we were like uh. He said i’m gon na call your parents, we didn’t think he knew our parents, so we just kept going, but he did call her parents, you know, and they came, we came back home and they were upset.

We had pockets full of change, though y’all dollar bills. We made some money and your mama made you take all that back. Oh, she told us to it didn’t happen. Oh you know what i’m saying we just went. I hit it, you know, and so we just go by.

We had a little hole. We dug with a little coffee, can we just pull out our money and go get our cokes and we did it for you, but you know hey we entertained ourselves. You know that i would use that as the next thing you know, i feel like no foul. That’S terrible: oh man. The people gave they had the right heart god’s going to bless them for it.

It’S you i’m worried about it. Yeah we were yeah. We were about to miss our rapture experience, but i mean still, but we did. We did stuff like that. All the time but the adventure of it, you know letting your kids have an adventure, that’s not built into something plastic or or cyber yeah you know, might be worth it use it even using your own imagination and um, you know, but but over providing that you Know, let’s talk about stuff for about 10 seconds stuff, how much stuff we give our kids gosh i’ll i’ll be the first i mean i was just about to say the clothes and stuff that chandler’s got.

I remember. I only had two good pairs of shoes as a kid growing up like, and that was it and if you i mean i got a pair of air force ones out of the trash of my neighbor’s house that they threw away. I was like dude take a toothbrush to those things clean them up chandler. She don’t know that she’s she’s got a pair of shoes for every day of the week, yeah and and as she grows, she gets more and the grandparents have more resources. Yes, they’re.

The they’re, the culprit to ruining our children, it’s the grandparents keep shoveling it out. Oh yeah they’re trying to get into heaven. I’M telling you your mind does shift. I i will say as again we’re my husband are a young parent, so we always tell our son. Your friends have 40 year old money, 40 year old parent money.

You have 26 year old parent money. It’S not the same! So when my when our parents buy him stuff like he knows where to go, to ask for the good stuff like it’s not for us, but then like my son’s obsessed with shoes. So when he’s in trouble, we take all the shoes away and leave him with one pair and then and he’s he’ll still like he gets a little bratty, sometimes like he’s spoiled, which is funny because he’s not spoiled, but he acts like he is. And so we took away all his shoes, except for one pair, that he despises they’re still jordans his worst pair of shoes that he hates are jordans, and i was like what world do you live in, like i’m, gon na go buy walmart shoes, and actually you See what a bad pair of shoes looks like listen now, walmart stepped their game up.

I still buy walmart shoes here and there i saw some reeboks in there. Those new balances are looking nice in there, the official sponsor of all dads. I like how montana says: she’s a young parent you’re in arkansas 15’s, an old parent. You know what i mean i would have had to have my son when i was like and you’re right on track: [, Music, ], oh man, you know what this is too much fun. I do think we covered some good stuff.

Maybe we’ll come back and visit this again another day down the road or something yeah we’ll come when uh chandler’s 15

We’Ll see how i think, yeah listen at that point. She’Ll have her own little silo outside hey, we’ll bring her in here. How did he do don’t know? Two different perspectives got a danny’s girl and a mama’s boy for sure. She’S gon na have like what eight siblings by then.

That is absolutely great, so we actually have a video we’re going to do this week for youtube. That’S going to be about how we got to ate yeah the story behind that and our when, when it’s right to adopt when it’s right to adopt yeah, because we we had really questions about that, you know along the way is um. You know we were supposed to be adopting and what that looked like, and i think there’s wisdom and discernment and all that and you have to in sifting through all that is kind of difficult. And so we’re going to talk about that. It’S going to be a pretty raw video about where you know it was kind of thrust upon us, but it was what we had decided to do, but it kind of came at a yeah quick deal and i know montana her and zach have some some an Interesting story as well, along with that and brady and faith, are actually that y’all’s home their home just got opened up so foster care and adoption is going to be part of what they’re going to be doing really soon.

So so that’s going to be a video we’ll drop this week and we’ll talk about that a little bit it’ll be some be some good information there again, as always like subscribe click the like button. If you have comments or questions, maybe maybe what you’re facing the biggest issue you’re facing right now as a parent um, we didn’t cover it and you’re. Like man, i got a question drop us a comment. We will we’ll we’ll dig right into that and we’ll get you a response and we’ll tell you what we think and what we believe about it and and maybe give you some help. Maybe you’re just a parent or someone just struggling and you need somebody pray for.

You you need somebody to just be in your court, we’re rooting for you. I want you to know that we’ll pray for you, i’m telling you that, with absolute clarity and honesty, we will pray for you and we’d love to be that for you. So leave us a comment. Let us know um again share the video like it and i think it’ll make a big difference, though, but until next time god bless you guys. I pray that god uses this message this week to help you be at least a somewhat better parent.

You know, maybe you can learn from our mistakes so anyway, god bless you and see you next [, Music. ] week, you

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